Monday, December 1, 2014

Murder on Edisto (The Edisto Island Mysteries)Murder on Edisto by C. Hope Clark
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

While reading MURDER ON EDISTO it struck me how seamless this story flowed from the first page to the last. C. Hope Clark has become a master of the murder mystery genre, and just a damn good (great!) writer.

Friday, September 26, 2014


Hey fellow writer's. There is a flash fiction writing contest offered by WRITE TO DONE. You can find it here:


I have entered, and here is what I wrote:

Saturday, September 20, 2014

The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris LessmoreThe Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore by William Joyce
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

What a precious book. William Joyce saw the "curative power of stories" while reading to "displaced children." Well! What an exemplary curative, and powerful, story he has given

Thursday, September 11, 2014

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OBSERVATIONSOBSERVATIONS by Barbara Whitt & Michael Whitt
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

What do I think? Let me dry my tears first, and gather my heart back from that melodic otherworldly place my friend's book has sent it to. As soon as this book slipped out of the parcel package, and my eyes landed on the cover, I felt how blessed I am to know these people. This work is just so beautiful. I can't find anywhere online to purchase this book, but I was sent a signed copy of "OBSERVATIONS", filled with Barbara Whitt's beautiful photographs, and Michael Whitt's thought provoking poetry. They have great compassion for the world, everything and everyone in it. The foreword pretty much lays out how I felt when I first saw this very special book, so I will include it here:

Monday, September 1, 2014

The Good Husband of Zebra Drive (No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency #8)The Good Husband of Zebra Drive by Alexander McCall Smith
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The character's in "The Good Husband of Zebra Drive" are so well developed. They could easily fill more than the nine books this series allowed. This series being "No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency Series." The meat of this story isn't in what the character's do, it is in who they are. Who they are dictates how they do everything they do. Especially the main character, Mma Ramotswe, who is moral, loving, respectful to everyone, in all ways. The little things in life mean the most to

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

The Old Buzzard Had It Coming (Alafair Tucker, #1)The Old Buzzard Had It Coming by Donis Casey
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

What a skillful storyteller Donis Casey is! The story is set in Muskogee County, Oklahoma, with the nearest town being Boynton, 1912, during a hard cold winter. The main character is Alafair (Gunn) Tucker, a very respectful wife and mother in her community. Her husband, Shaw, thought of her as his "lady wife." The story is spun around the murder of Harley, a consumer of his own product, moonshine.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Discovery of an EagleDiscovery of an Eagle by Grace Mattioli

I am sorry, but no stars for this book. I have NEVER not finished a book. This is a first for me. My choice would be to not write a review, but I got this ebook free from AMC (Author Marketing Club) with an understanding that the free part comes with an agreement that I would write an honest review.

This author’s voice is bland. The character’s have no character. As I tried to push through this story I kept thinking of the first level “Dick and Jane” books. The story begins with Cosmo Greco getting laid off from his job of eight years, but it is never revealed what that job was. Then there are sentences like “Hey, Cosmo,” she shouted out to him because he was still in the kitchen.” There is something innately wrong with this sentence. How did she know he was still in the kitchen? Could she hear him in there? Too much is missing, as is in the rest of this book. It soured my reader’s ear. There was an overuse of the “seeing it for the first time in his life” scenario. 90% of the first chapter is Cosmo seeing everything for the first time because he had been laid off. At location 751, first sentence, Chapter Four, I read “As Cosmo looked out the car window, he felt as if he was seeing the world for the first time in his life.” I got to location 950 and read, “Almost as if he were hearing Dylan for the first time.” Bland voice, bland character, impossible to want to continue reading. The list of "firsts" goes on and on.

Another problem is the lack of introducing a character. Instead, a name just appears. I was paging back thinking who is this too many times. Sometimes his father is Frank, sometimes he is his father. The name Donna just appeared with no introduction or clue that he was talking about his mother. Same with Vince, who I figured out was a brother.

I really wanted to find out what the story would reveal about the meaning of the title “Discovery of an Eagle”; the story revealed nothing. By the time I got to location 1389 I didn’t care. Great title, no story.

I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm writing this review with the intentions of being constructive, and helpful. I would suggest that this writer subscribe to some of the established writer’s blogs, like K.M. Weiland, C. Hope Clark, From Left to Write, Writer Unboxed, The Kill Zone, She Writes, and subscribe to Writer’s Digest Magazine. There is no limit to the great writer’s blogs out there. Take advantage of them. I am curious if this author let any of her friends read this manuscript before publishing it. Maybe joining a book club, or a local writing group could benefit, where other people could give some feedback as the WIP is developing. I cheer you on, Grace Mattioll, and encourage you to do a few more edits. At least you are writing; getting it down on paper. But, there is clearly more stone to grind here.

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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

No Easy Day: The Firsthand Account of the Mission That Killed Osama Bin LadenNo Easy Day: The Firsthand Account of the Mission That Killed Osama Bin Laden by Mark Owen
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I read this book in one sitting. Couldn't put it down. It is a first person narrative that includes the narrator's personal history, how he had wanted to become a Navy Seal ever since he was a boy growing up in Alaska, and how after he joined the navy he worked his way up through the ranks, the rigorous training required to reach the high rank of group leader for SEAL Team Six. How he did not, could NOT, fail! How all these young military men had a can do attitude, all bond to each other, and commit to the purpose that lay before them in an extraordinary way. Including the personal background made the story more cohesive and entertaining.

I felt a personal interest since I have had the pleasure of meeting the man called Phill in Mark Owen's book. (The names are changed to protect the innocent). He is the one who told me to read it, and when I read it to try to pick out which SEAL in the book is him. It was so easy. He is Phil in the book. Phil got wounded in the reconnaissance mission trying to rescue Bergdahl in 2009, which ended his military career. He is the assault dog handler. His dog was killed the day he was wounded. I loved that he called his assault dog a "hair missile." He joined Leap Frogs, the Navy's parachute demonstration team. AND, he was the teams biggest prankster. That one I wouldn't have guessed. Guess he was on his best behavior when I met him at a friends house. I think about the coincidence of reading this book after the recent current event of Bowe Bergdahl gaining his freedom in exchange for the five Taliban prisoners release from Guantanamo Bay. I would love to get Mark Owen's and Phil's take on that.

I found it ironic that this author was criticized for telling this story. All security leaks came from Washington D.C., potentially endangering the members of the Navy SEALs' involved in this maneuver that took Osama Bin Laden out. Not from this author. What came from this author is a clearly written first hand account, an inside look, at the mission that killed the number one public enemy of the world. Thank you Mark Owen.

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Thursday, July 10, 2014

The Shoulders of GiantsThe Shoulders of Giants by Jim Cliff
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I was surprised to find out this author is from Hertfordshire, England, since he wrote so authoritatively about Chicago, the setting of the story where “The Shoulders of Giants (A Jake Abraham Mystery)” took place. I am not surprise to find out that this is the first book in a series.
I really enjoyed the escapades of this gumshoe , Jake Abraham, as he sets out on the first case, for his first client, of his private investigating career. The perfect mixture of humor and suspense cooked up a fast paced mystery including missing person’s, murder, and romance. A very enjoyable/entertaining read. I will be looking for more of Jim Cliff’s work. I like his writing voice, and his writing skills are kind to the reader. I am anxiously waiting for the second in the “A Jake Abraham Mystery” Series. Get to work Mr. Cliff!

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Saturday, June 21, 2014

Pieces of a PuzzlePieces of a Puzzle by Jenny Gill
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I drank a lot of tea while reading this very relaxing, non-spectacular, yet companionable womans' story. I just love the English and their tea. I read 75% (gotta love ebooks) yesterday, a finished it today, and now I'm lonely. There are flashbacks, flashforwards, and flash-sideways, which didn't bother me a bit because all the snippets were consistent with enriching and familiarizing the main character, Alison. The details of her life unfolded unpretentiously. I like that this very reserved character, Alison, went through so much yet was steady on!

I love the qualities of Jenny Gill's unique storytelling abilities. Her layer upon layer of the story unfolds a satisfying read. I'm recommending this book to my friends.

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Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Frozen: Two Suspenseful Short StoriesFrozen: Two Suspenseful Short Stories by Marcy Kennedy
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The five stars are for Marcy Kennedy's writing skill. I get the feeling that she whips these little horror stories out with no effort at all. The subject matter is gory. I am more of a 'Little House on the Prairie' sort of guy, but as a want to be writer I read beyond my comfort zone. The first of these short stories was about a wife being betrayed by her husband and best friend by making her think she was crazy, and just before being locked away she sees what they had done but it was too late. Sort of a one flew over the cuckoo's nest sort of thing. A thriller, but I could take it. The second story is about a young girl with a history of mental disease, who is so psycho she murdered, then murdered to correct the first murders because she realized they were a mistake - huge thriller. I did not take this one well, and may have to go seek professional help to get over the trauma. If you like thriller's read Marcy Kennedy's books.

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Monday, May 12, 2014

Go to Hell and Make A U-TurnGo to Hell and Make A U-Turn by Marci Martin
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I purchased this book because I have met the author, briefly, a couple of times when I was housesitting in Tucson, Arizona. She happened to attend the church I went to while in Tucson. The members were so welcoming after the services, and embraced me in friendly conversation. When they inquired about what it was I did for a living I stated that I try to write. I was informed that one of the members of the church was a published author, and I should meet and talk to her. We were introduced. What a bundle of joy, and a sense of humor that won’t quit. I felt honored to have met her. Naturally, I sought out and purchased her books.

This book is about her son who suffered from drug and alcohol addiction. This is a true story about how he overcame these addictions through the enduring love of his family. Loving parents, and an older sister, whom he called “A Hell of a Woman”, because of her reaching out to him in a letter. A letter that helped him turn his life around, along with the unconditional love of his parents.

A must read for any family suffering through similar problems they might be having with a family member or troubled child. I was not prepared for the devastating ending of this story. I am prepared to accept the life lessons Marci Martin so courageously and clearly recorded in this book, GO TO HELL AND MAKE A U-TURN.

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Saturday, May 10, 2014

Palmetto PoisonPalmetto Poison by C. Hope Clark
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

C. Hope Clark is a writer on fire. I liked LOWCOUNTRY BRIBE and TIDEWATER MURDER, but this third book in the Carolina Slade Mystery Series, PALMETTO POISON, is by far my favorite. This is a page turning thrill of a mystery. Just when I thought I had figured it out, I didn't. Can't wait to get my hands on the next book in the series, and I know there will be one, because Slade still has the ring box her man Wayne gave her sitting on her bedroom dresser. This one is going to be hard to beat.

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Thursday, April 24, 2014

Blast From The Past

        This is a poem my Dad use to recite to me from the time I was very young. I use to go around reciting it to friends all the time, even recently. I didn't know there was a hard copy of it. I nearly cried when this fell out of one of my Dad's books when I was cleaning out his office after he passed. Note that it was posted on the Station Hospital bulletin board, Victorville Army Air Base framed with the final words of Bombs Away. (Found at the bottom of the page)

          What a treat to discover what was on the flip side of this, my loved poem from childhood. Thank you Dad for this cherished nugget from the past. Here it is:

          I see "The March Field Beacon, March Field, Calif." on this page. I googled it. Here is the link:       The March Field Beacon

          My Dad, H.D. Varnum was in the army. Makes me wonder how he came in possession of this little gem. Anyway, thought someone besides me might enjoy this.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Aren't People Funny - a poem I wrote

Slap your knee
Stomp your foot

Slap your knee
Stomp your foot 

Aren't people funny?
Gosh you are honey
when you stumble out of bed
with your half stoned head,
you stumble all around
until your pants are found,
you bend to pick them up
and I pinch you on the butt.

Don't hit me dear
I didn't bruise your rear.
People are funny
now admit it honey.

Slap your knee
Stomp your foot

Slap your knee
Stomp your foot

That poem came straight from my heart.

Just One Of Those Days

           This is just one of those days. I left the house at 4:45am to be at 1st Dental in Sierra Vista, about a 70 mile trip. My appointment was for 7:00am. I pulled in the parking lot at 6:13am. I was so happy when a dental technician came out to my truck right away and said I might as well come on in.
As soon as I got inside he said come on up, asked all the questions about insurance, etc., and immediately started inputting my information into the computer. So cool. Didn’t make me wait ’till my 7 o'clock appointment. The whole process went way more smooth than I had thought it would, better than I could have ever hoped for. I was loving these guys. I was checking out before my originally scheduled appointment.
I need to mention here that I was there to get my dentures adjusted. So, I paid my bill, and when the lady handed me my credit card back with the receipt for $477 she told me the guy who comes to pick up my dentures, to do whatever it is he does with them, would be out until Monday. SHOCK!!!! When I made the appointment they said I would be without my teeth, toothless, overnight. I had mentally prepared myself for that all week long. Doable. This…shocked me. I told her if only I would have known that I would have waited until the guy was going to be in next week to make my appointment. She handed me an appointment card for Monday, April 28, at 8:30am.
I have Church this Sunday, and was to be at the Benson Museum Saturday to work. Activities I love, and my little church ladies and museum ladies depend on me.
When things like this happen to me my knee jerk reaction is to revert to mental levelers. Thoughts that help me level out, to lessen the severity of the situation, so I can cope.  So while driving the 70 miles back home to Vail, AZ, feeling dismayed, disconcerted, insecure without my teeth, toothless, I started in with the mental levelers.
#1. This won't kill me. I’m still alive. I always seem to start with this one.
#2. If people think I'm ugly without teeth they'll think how good looking I am Monday when I get my teeth back.
#3. Humbling experiences build character. I'm developing a strong character (if I live).
#4. I'll have a legitimate reason to hide away & read until Monday.
#5. Without teeth I can’t chow down on cookies and hamburgers like I've been doing so my pants will fit better by Monday. 

Whoa! I'm doubly getting excited about how good I'm going to look on Monday.

O.K. I'm starting to cheer up.

#6. I’ll save money on Sea Bond.

Then another fall through the floor embarrassing moment when I had to revert to mental levelers popped to mind. I live out in the country. The middle of the desert in Southeastern Arizona. One day after leaving Benson, the town I go to to shop for groceries, I had to pee. I pulled off on a dirt road that, if followed to the end, went to the Dobson Ranch. Safely out of site from Cascabel Road, the road home, I parked, stepped out of my truck, pulled my pants down, and proceeded to water the dusty dry desert. How do you spell relief? P-E-E. Well, mid-pee here comes a truck full of mexican men who work at the Dobson Ranch on their way to town. They were fairly kind; didn’t get too loud in their cajoling. Nothing I could do; open view to them; caught with my pants down. What could I do? They passed. I gathered myself, and on the way home I started in on my mental levelers.
#1. This won't kill me. I’m still alive.
#2. When I was in college my friends and I would get drunk and moon people on purpose.
#3. Some people do the full monte and streak for fun or political reasons. And they are sober.
#4. I don't speak spanish so any hurtful things they said won’t ring in my ears over the years.
#5. At least I didn't wet my pants.
#6. When I get really old I can think about how good my ass looked way back when I got caught with my pants down out in the middle of the desert. You know, compared to when I'm a hundred and three years old.
So, happy Wednesday, here’s to Monday, April 28th, at 8:30am!

I'm hanging in there!!!!!

Monday, April 21, 2014

The Kalahari Typing School for Men (No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency, #4)The Kalahari Typing School for Men by Alexander McCall Smith
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Loved it! What a sweet story. A relaxing, easy, pleasant read. I already have book #8 "The Good Husband Of Zebra Drive" on my nightstand. I'm hooked on the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency series, ready to enjoy more of Alexander McCall Smith's well crafted stories. 

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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Prince S(Avalon Hall)Prince S by Anita Renaghan
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Anita Renaghan has given the world a fairy tale that will last through the ages. And what a unique tale it is. A baby girl, raised as a boy, that grows up to be King in the land of Fontanasia.

Queen Samantha died giving birth to ‘the next royal child’ and heir to the Kingdom of Fontanasia; Avalon. Queen Samantha’s only wish was to please the King with the birth of a boy child. The Queen’s faithful servant, Myra George, so loved the Queen that she passed the baby off as the boy King Birch so wanted, and so needed to inherit the throne to prevent Counselor Glenn from overthrowing the kingdom. Myra arranged for the Queen to have her dying wish by wrapping the baby in a blue blanket before handing it to the dying Queen. “I knew that I would have a son. Birch will be so pleased to have a son and heir to the throne.”
                          And pleased King Birch was, though he would have loved Avalon the same had she been presented to the world as the girl she was. He was proud and prepared Avalon to succeed him as King of Fontanasia since the day she was born. Avalon took her curious position in life to heart, rising to the occasion with courage, and compassion for her family and kingdom. Yet, she wonders how long she can compress her growing feelings for one of her faithful guards, Taggerty.
                        The story ends with Avalon overcoming all sorts of adversities and being crowned King. All this by age fourteen. Is this happily ever after? Will she take Taggerty into her inner sanctum, share her closely held secret as they so admire and lean on each other to guard their kingdom? Where is the sequel?

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Holding Woman and Other Stories of Acceptable MadnessHolding Woman and Other Stories of Acceptable Madness by Kelley Jaacquez
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This collection of vignettes all take place in and around the small community of El Nido, New Mexico. Population 264. A simple place in simple times where simple people worked out the complex problems that living in this world threw at them. The populous is inextricably entwined by custom, by love, by tragedy... sorrow, hope, and humor. Every woman cared for every child as though it was her own. If the mother wasn't there the woman closest to the child corrected, and protected it as if it was their own. The author laid each character and their story out so clearly and completely that you can see into their souls. Not one word was wasted. I absolutely love this book. Thank you Kelly Jacquez.

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Wednesday, March 5, 2014


Destination Bisbee. Why? Because someone I knew in high school, Sam, remembered me from the high school days and found me via the world wide web. He happens to have a space in an antique mall in Bisbee. I happen to have some antiques I want to sale. He invited me to go check it out. The mall is called ACACIA. Ad pictured here to the left.  He has one booth specializing in old documents, photo's (especially old military photo's), old tin containers, and more, but there are many, many different dealers offering every kind of blasts from the past you could imagine. There is beyond cool antique stuff there. They don't make jewelry like they did back then; extravagant rhinestone brooches are my favorite. Furniture and clothes upstairs.

Spent the whole day and didn't know that he also has a place at Antique Trove, (Dealer #140) Scottsdale Rd & McDowell, Scottsdale, AZ.  That's because we were busy playing the "do you remember..." game that people who haven't seen each other for forty years play. I discovered that little tidbit of news once I got home by spotting an ad in the free antique flyer/newspaper I picked up in ACACIA. Ad pictured here to the right.

I love Bisbee because it is so quaint, and is built on hills so the streets aren't flat, they are steep  narrow up and down old mining town streets. Homes are hanging over the streets on the edge of hills above. It was an old mining town that died then became a tourist destination. Won't spend a lot of time on the history since you can google it and get all the statistical facts about it. Sam said it reminds him of New Hampshire.  Now I want to go to New Hampshire.

After leaving the business (tourist) district, we drove to the east side, the residential side, of Bisbee to meet a friend of Sam's for lunch. We walked from his friends house to the restaurant. I felt like I was walking through Mayberry. Passed a barber shop and was surprised that Andy Griffith wasn't hanging out chatting with Barney Fife, and Floyd, the barber, waiting for Aunt Bee to bring them a lunch basket. To top off the nostalgic feel the sun was shining, birds were singing, and the wind was still. Prestine I tell you.  As though I had fallen into one of the good old days people always talk about.

We ate at Beto's, a very small mexican restaurant nestled in the predominantly residential side of Bisbee. Right next to a school. Incredible food. To top off the unbelievably simple town feel of the day, Beto's resides at 123 Arizona Street, which seems an appropriately small town simple address to me. Golly! It was great.

Sam in antique mall.

While Sam was busy stocking his antique store with new inventory I did the tourist thing. My iPhone was all charged up and ready to take pictures.

Here are some pictures of his antique wares:

When I went out onto the street I was delighted to find a street performer.  His name is Craig, "but you can call me C-Sharp", he says. Hope you enjoy the video as much as I enjoyed him.

I ask him if it was alright to film him. He loved it, and performed a song he had written in its entirety. I am intrigued with street performers. I looked up street performers on wikipedia and found this - Street performance or busking is the practice of performing in public places, for gratuities[1] . In many countries the rewards are generally in the form of money but other gratuities such as food, drink or gifts may be given. Street performance is practiced all over the world by men, women and children and dates back to antiquity. In English speaking countries people engaging in this practice are called street performers or buskers.

I told him he was going to be on YouTube. He told me he has already been in a documentary on national TV. I am searching for that documentary. If anyone knows about it I would love it if you would share it with me. I consider these "buskers" as being national treasures. Living art. Maybe a dying breed. Kudos to them all.

Well, goodbye Bisbee for now. I will be back.
ACACIA Antique Mall, Bisbee, AZ

Saturday, February 8, 2014


          I did not plan on going to Tombstone yesterday. The battery on my iPhone went dead within fifteen minutes upon arrival. Sierra Vista was yesterdays destination. There is a light bulb store there that brags they can get any bulb you need. Well, I need a bulb for a Kodaslide table viewer, model A, made in the 40's. They did not have it, but they are going to search for one and let me know Monday if my trip was wasted.
          I decided I had seen enough of highway 90. My sense of adventure told me to go home via highway 80, through Tombstone. What a payoff. Should have charged my phone on the way. Oh well. Next time Tombstone will be my destination and my phone will be charged.

I love this street performer. Called himself Redbone. Has a really neat spiel. I told him he is a national treasure.  He said he doesn't think anyone else feels that way and that it was a tough crowd. Hope he's there when I go back. He told me all about his historical instruments, his style, the origin of this style of music. Of course I didn't have a notebook or tape recorder. Me - the want to be writer - never prepared.
          I'll be ready next time. Destination Tombstone via highway 80. Phone charged, tape recorder on. Gonna wear my boots, too. 

Sunday, February 2, 2014

The FavoriteThe Favorite by Franklyn C. Thomas
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I love the tempo of this story, especially how the  tension building in the center story of the grueling fight, the protagonist, Michael Dane, contending for the IBF Light-Heavyweight Champion of the world against Quin Cortez, was carried throughout the equally progressing tension of the back story. Michael Dane set out to right the wrongs of his unfortunate abusive childhood, and news of his impending fatherhood was, and I quote Michael Dane, .."the one last sign I needed to show me I'm doing the right thing." This is a guts and glory story, a love story, and just a damn good read. I cried at the inevitable heart wrenching ending.

Franklyn C. Thomas has certainly spun a good yarn. "The Favorite" is a must read.

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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Triumph of JobTriumph of Job by Laura C. Pleming
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I was so happy to read the story of Job interpreted in a way I could understand. Dr. Laura C. Pleming is a Bible scholar, and her indepth knowledge of this old, old scripture was insightful. Makes me want to take a bible study class. What I learned about the writing of the book of Job is that the author is unknown. It was written as a drama, the author is defined as being a dramatist. It is written poetically, using a rhythmical cadence. This is what Dr. Pleming's book taught me, then.....

As luck would have it, there is an article in The New Yorker magazine, Dec. 16th, 2013, pg 83, in the book review section, entitled "MISERY, Is there justice in the Book of Job?", by Joan Acocella. She is reviewing Mark Larrimore's book "The Book of Job: A Biography". In this article I discovered that, and to state it accurately I am just going to quote from Joan Acocella's article here; "The text here is clearly corrupt in many places. The central section - where Job speaks to his friends, and God speaks to them all - is in verse, and its language is impassioned: pleading, sweeping, vaulting. The outer sections are written in prose, and in a blunt, matter-of-fact manner." The article goes on to say that this is probably a story that was told verbally down through the ages, then a beginning and an ending were added to make it a complete story when it was converted to written form. There are other opinions about how this Book of Job was possibly written, and a slew of other books on the subject were referenced. I am intrigued now.

My reading list just got a lot longer because of my friend handing me her copy of a simple little book, a one hour read, called "Triumph of Job", by Dr. Laura C. Pleming.

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It will take eternity to answer all life's problems.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

WRITER'S DIGEST / YOUR STORY competition #56 - My entry

Prompt: Write a short story, of 750 words or fewer, that begins with the following line of dialogue: “If you can guess what I have in my pocket, you can have it.”
(You can be funny, poignant, witty, etc.; it is, after all, your story.) You can submit your words to this prompt here:  Writer's Digest Your Story Competition #56

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
CLOWNS - WE WANT TO HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is my little ditty:

          “If you can guess what I have in my pocket, you can have it.”  Thirty bobbing waist high party quaffed little heads made me wish I had a dramamine in my pocket. “I can’t hear you if you all yell at once.” I knew from experience that one of these prepubescent groupies yelled dog. They’ve already got with the program that the clown was going to make some kind of simulated animal once the the balloons came out of the bulging pocket of my floppy black, yellow, and white checkered clown costume. Besides, at their age you could make a giraffe, call it a dog, and the little smurf’s would be happy with that!
 Without warning I felt the direct hit from a good sized water gun drench my ear down to my ear drum. I turned just in time to see a freckled faced towhead bending over with laughter, cajoled on by his little friends, who quickly constrained themselves as soon as my clown face eyes found the shooter. “What do you think is in my other pocket you little gangster?! I never let myself be surrounded by the enemy unarmed!,” and I was returning fire before my inappropriate retort had reached their little ears, enjoying how quick my draw had become, I hadn’t become a clown just yesterday ya know, and the fact that my water pistol was bigger than this little waif’s made me cocky. “Run for your lives!” I yelled. The whole assembly of little munchkins scattered.
In the middle of the chaos stood the little birthday girl, her perfect blond ringlets were starting to droop from being in the crossfire of the water gun war, but she had a determined defiance plastered on her face. Not one to run to mommy. I like this girl. “Why don’t I have a gun?! It’s my birthday!!” She shouted out.
Since I was the hired clown I felt obligated to cover the defenseless little princess. I duck and weave, duck and weave, and roll the last three feet to her side. “Here you go Sally! Do you know how to use one of these things?” I was willing to entrust my spare water gun that I keep in my back clown pants pocket.
Water began pouring off my big red nose. “Don’t shoot me Sally! I’m the one that came to save you! C’mon, let’s go get ‘em.” The now smiling ear to ear birthday girl and I charged the ornery boys like the mighty light brigade. I was glad to be on Sally’s side by now.
Just as I was thinking this was the best birthday party I’d ever been a clown to, I saw the Mother step out the sliding door on the patio with a scowl plastered on her face. I walked to the center of the battle field making the truce sign with my hands. “Alright kids...truce..hold on for a minute.” Wow. These are good kids; they actually stopped. I would have liked to stayed longer, but I knew what was coming.
There I was standing on the wrong side of the door stoop again; way before the party was over again. “Yes ma’am. I understand. But, you really should have gotten your head out of your bourbon and provided some adult supervision for those kids outside of the hired clown.”
BAM!!!! Another door slammed in my face.
 “Yeah! You heard me female from the kennel person!!!” Now I wish I had a tylenol in my pocket. 
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